Delusion vs. Reality

Hello everyone,

 

I hope everyone's weekend went well!  Ours was very productive over here.  We completely repainted all of our kitchen cabinets.  It took all weekend and we are nowhere close to be done with the kitchen but it feels good to have this done.  Our cabinets are much darker now (like black) and I love it!  Such an improvement, I can’t believe that ever had people over with how it looked before!!  

 

This kind of brings me to my point today, delusion vs. reality.  I have a huge amount of confidence when perhaps I always shouldn’t… How I perceive that I look vs what I actually look like is completely different!  Completely!  In my mind, I only have a few pounds to lose and I could be a swimsuit model…. Yeah, that bad.  The only time I truly realize how big I am is when I see pictures of me, but here is the thing...  I delete all pictures that make me look bad, so I don’t even see the proof of my reality.  Having a false sense of confidence is not a bad thing, it can be very helpful in certain aspects of life.  But right now I am not healthy, being this heavy is not good for any part of my body, So I unfortunately have had to merge my delusional version of myself and the actual version of myself to improve.  Can you image how big my head is going to be when I start dropping more pounds?

 

It pains me to say I am keeping the pictures.  There is a small part of me that thinks that it is possibly somebody else if the photos, but I am not holding my breath.  

 

Paula